This is a brief Idiots Guide to African Elections Stealing and/or Rigging. This brief will focus on how to effectively usurp democracy and people’s will while acting like you are not doing it and telling the world that the elections were free and fair. Election Stealing and/or Rigging African style is a popular past time for African governments who are about to be evicted from public office. This particular brief will focus on the recent elections in Kenya and Zimbabwe where alleged Election Stealing and/or Rigging was evident. Please do note that Election Stealing and/or Rigging is always alleged never substantiated. It is never substantiated because the truth is so obvious that only a fool would think otherwise but because the fools are in charge no one can really say much except begrudgingly accepting stolen Election results.

Kenya: I declare myself President even though the results are not in yet. Kibaki!

For all idiots out there who thought the Kenyan elections in December 2007 was a spectacle of the African democratic system at work are delusional. Mwai Kibaki, then incumbent president of Kenya effectively rewrote election history by being the fastest inaugurated President in history. President Kibaki was inaugurated for a second term three hours after official election results were announced. What was surprising was the fact that the Kenyan Election Commission admitted that it didn’t know who actually won the election. So instead of taking their time to count and if need be recount the results, they went and asked the ruling government who they thought won and the ruling government was like, “we won, of course!” This is one of the expected responses of those who steal and/or rig elections. Please acquaint yourself with this type of rhetoric, its very popular in Africa.

During the Kenyan vote counting and after the official announcement Kenya fell into civil unrest in which over 1000 people died because someone failed to inform the Kenyan people that their votes would not count and that they were going through the motions of participating in the fictional African tale called Free and Fair Elections.

Zimbabwe: I declare these elections really Unfree and Unfair so we will take our time counting the votes and play this game called lets wait until the people forget that there are vote results to be released.

So the Zimbabweans participated in an election in which they hoped that the long queues to cast their votes would be the beginning of the end of the rule of an old man who continues to rule them under the guise of democracy. Zimbabweans used to queuing for long hours for bread and money hoped the long hours at voting queues would usher in a resounding rejection of Old Men leadership as Zimbabwe should be No Country for Old Men (No pun intended). But low and behold, I think we have seen this movie before, yeah…Bob wins and the opposition riot and get their butts kicked by the security forces and then they go to the courts to get the vote over turned. But they lose that too and then they just keep quiet and lament another 5 years of old people rule. Not for me thanks.

Well this is classic African election stealing and/or rigging. It’s a movie played over and over again like a soap opera. For the idiots out there please rent this movie, it makes for good viewing. The really good thing about the Zimbabwean election is that no one will be shocked when the Old Men steal and/or rig the elections. Everyone except the Old Men have said its inevitable that they will steal and/or rig the elections as no one will vote for them as they have been responsible for the destruction of the Zimbabwean economy and way of life.

Conclusion

This has been a brief foray into the amazing world of African politics. There are many a story of African Election Stealing and/or Rigging. If you are an idiot count yourself fortunate to have read about how one of the world’s human phenomena, African Elections and their inner workings.

By Idiot Guide Joe

Contributors
1) Almost all African leaders that have circumvented the rule of the people through bogus democratic election rituals.
2) The Kenyan Election Fiasco
3) The Pending Zimbabwean Election Fiasco

Coming Soon

Idiots Guide to Stealing The American Election (November 2008 Edition): This guide builds on great works like HBO’s Hacking Democracy and Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11

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